If you pull me on your lap there is a 101% chance I’m going to make out with you.
i would advise you to avoid santa
Gary’s Sex Tips #1002
If she calls out her ex boyfriend’s name in bed go to his house and kiss him. See what the dick about! See what all the fuss is about!
Me: *visits the grand canyon*
Me: *hold postcard up*
Me: I-I feel so offended
Me: I came at the wrong time of the day
Me: *looks at the colors of the Grand Canyon compared to the ones on the postcard*
Me: I've never felt so cheated
"I’m gonna fuck that canyon."
- Garcia Lopez de Cardenas, probably.
me: [does something well]
mom: good job honey!
me: positive reinforcement is literally so dehumanising i cant believe you would treat me like that youre my mother
"Every American high school student has been arrested for discussing their PSAT tests when they explicitly stated in illegibile cursive they promised not to."
- NBC News tomorrow probably maybe not (via kylelaw11)